Ver - baby

Today I realized that my neighbour had her baby five weeks ago and I didn't know.  I knew she was pregnant and that she was due anytime but have been so consumed with my own petty bullshit that the woman who lives next door to me came home after a surgical delivery (Cesarean section) and I was not aware of her struggles for over a month.  This morning I finally got up the nerve to go over there (on the pretense of hand-me-downing something from my boys to their toddler), thinking she had not given birth yet but found out that indeed it has been five weeks.  So I spent some time with this little one and chatted up the very tired mother and decided that just because I had no help when my babies were small there's no reason not to do better for this family.  I called all the women in this part of our small town and let them know that the baby has been born and that the mom needed us to be a real community and get it up to provide some freezer meals and childcare of the toddler and some adult company for the mom.  Everyone responded positively and is totally 'in' but I also heard many tales of struggle with babies spaced close together and surgical births with not enough help after and postpartum depression.  Not one of the women in my cohort or older felt they had adequate support when they were making life.  Some said that they had family around for up to the first four weeks but after that, found themselves essentially alone.  Partners are great, but they go away all day.  Women need a circle around them at this emotionally vulnerable time.   The isolation and daily struggle to accomplish simple self-care can be overwhelming.  The big obstacle, in this community anyway, is that people felt they would be intruding if they just went over there.  There is a huge premium put on privacy and self-sufficiency.  Fortunately, this invisible wall seems to be thinning and in this neighbourhood, all that we were waiting for was an excuse to make ourselves useful.